Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Change sweet change...

It's 1:42 am and I'm absolutely insane for even attempting to explain all the recent events at this hour, considering I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. But as tired as my body is, my mind won't let me sleep - I might as well make good use of this sleepless night.

If you've been following my blog, you've probably guessed by now that I've been a little desperate for change. It's amazing how restless my heart had grown, if only I had known change was just around the corner. Let me back up a bit - About two weeks ago on a Sunday evening I laid it all before Him. I gave Him my hopes and my dreams, my frustrations with where my life is currently headed and confessed every nasty thought and/or action that had followed as a result of all my frustration - brutally honest to a God I was convinced was listening to everyone BUT me. I made a deal with Him (you know - throwing out the fleece, testing to see if He's really there. Of course I know He is, it's those human limitations that blind me from time to time. I need to be reminded every once in a while.) - if He opened a door, I would follow no matter how crazy it looked as long as I had peace and plenty of confirmation it was of Him. Exhausted after all my venting, I put aside my journal, hit the lights and fell asleep just as I would have any other night.

Monday morning arrived faster than I would have liked it to. My day began to unfold just as any Monday does, but this time it was filled with several thought provoking conversations. The first was with my cousin Jenny, who's currently living in the DC area. "How are you REALLY doing," she asked. "I'm restless if you REALLY want to know." And thus it began - a couple minutes into the conversation she boldly stated, "I think you should move to Nashville, TN. Go and pursue your music. Give your relationship some space to figure things out." Absurd - I'm not just picking everything up and moving to TN for no reason. I went on with my day. That afternoon I spoke with my old roommate who's currently living in Franklin, TN (just south of Nashville). We joked and laughed about old times and then agreed we needed to plan a trip to see each other and catch up. The memories made me miss her, hearing of her latest adventures made me slightly jealous (in a good way of course) - "Lord, I want adventure too," I reminded Him. That evening just before a practice, I sat down at my computer to check my email and what not and received a message from my friend Cait (who's currently living in Franklin, TN). "Come and visit," she said. "Better yet, move in with me! My roommate left and I need someone to fill the room by January. Think about it, pray about it, get back to me." Stunned I sat in silence. "Lord, is that You? Are you really speaking to me? Surely you're not answering my desperate request this quickly," I thought. Putting the offer aside, I went on with my night. By the time practice was over, all I could think about was that empty room in Franklin, TN calling my name. I went home and threw the idea out to my family and much to my surprise, they were very encouraging! (Definitely NOT the response I was expecting.) We agreed to pray about it for a few days and see how we felt. The last big hurdle was the boyfriend. I ran the whole thing by him and - shocker - he was encouraging as well!

A few days and lots of thought and prayer later I found myself sitting in the conference room with my two overseers, explaining that I'm moving to Franklin, TN! Crazy, I know! But I can't seem to deny that it's somehow got God's fingerprints all over it. Financially so many things have worked out that I never thought would work out, everyone I've told about it has been so very encouraging and supportive, and above all I have amazing peace about it. It's so amazing, I'm still shocked God answered my prayers immediately!

So here I am, just a few weeks from picking up my life and moving it to a totally different state. I'm certainly a little anxious, nervous, sad - but all that is mixed in with excitement and a sense of adventure! I'm going to miss my Brenton dearly, but through this I have already seen God change his heart and mold him more into the man I've been praying he becomes. God is so good. I'm going with no expectations, no job, no future (which, normally that would totally freak me out) but somehow in the midst of that I have incredible peace and faith that He will provide. So that's the big news for me at the moment. I should probably get a few hours of sleep now, but I'll be posting again to keep you updated.

All I can say is be honest with Him. Share your heart as David did - be a man/woman after His heart, passionate and determined - unstoppable for His Kingdom! :) Thanks so much for all the support and prayers! I am so incredibly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life!


Monday, December 1, 2008

Let me not forget....

Remind me of Your promises, Lord.
Seal them in my heart, so that I may not forget.

Spread before me, Your blessings Lord.
Lay them out, so that I may not forget.

Sing over me Your love.
Lavish me, so that I may not forget.

Bathe me with your presence.
Let me be surrounded, so that I may not forget.

You've promised me a future and filled it with blessings, showered me with love and enveloped me in Your presence....yet, somehow I still manage to forget about all You've done for me.

Remind me of Your promises....