So many days I get caught up in pointless activities.
My mornings pass without one word to my Maker, my afternoons filled with busy work, my evenings are spent recovering from the busy day, my head hits my pillow with stress of the day clouding every thought....my heart neglected, my God put aside.
This evening I found myself listening to a dear friend's song and as I did, I felt a sweet, gentle spirit whisper over me - I miss you. The words left my heart a shattered mess.
It's been a constant struggle to find contentment where I am, some days are a success and others are far from successful. I so often find myself dreaming up places I'd much rather be, adventures I'd much rather be pursuing, yet returning from my thoughts to a mundane existence. Routines don't fit me, they never have and they never will. I crave a life rich in my Jesus and rich in adventure and exploration. I want to touch the ground my Jesus walked, I want to meet the people my God created, I want to experience other cultures crafted by my Maker's hands. I want to be active in it all, rich and well alive - seeing, hearing, tasting, feeling it all. Monotony numbs me, and that's just where I've found myself - numb. Numbly moving through the movements of my every day life. How do I escape it? It seems to work so well for everyone else around me and when I speak of the things my heart burns for, they simply don't understand. I wish they could see! It's the way I was created...created for movement and exploration, color and taste. In the numbness my spirit has been squelched, and I've forgotten how sweet intimacy with my Creator can be. I've forgotten that He delights in me. I've forgotten that He craves to know me, just as I crave to be elsewhere. I'm so sorry Lord - I want to feel again. I want to be rich in You, rich in life! Take it all away, all that's in the way of you....
"I was so lost and confused
I was so far away from the truth
For the purpose in me
I was made to love You
But I ran my whole life
To the things that can't satisfy
You opened my eyes
Tore open the night
And you gave me a brand new page
I never want to go back never want to lose track
I just want to see your face
So take it all away
All that's in the way of you
I just want you I just want you
Jesus you're more than I need
You fill me with life and now I see"
Words by Zeb Abalos