Gosh, time slips by so fast. I've been in the Nashville area for a little over a month now, crazy, huh? My time here has been so relaxing, however, I need a little less relaxation and a little more work. I've been on the hunt for a job since I arrived and still - no luck. I had an interview last Wednesday with a little salon downtown and I'm supposed to find out tomorrow if I got the job or not - it's been the most promising thing I've had come my way yet. Keep me in your prayers if you think about it, I'd very much appreciate that! :)
I think I can finally say I'm settled. I still need furniture for my room but I feel at home in my little space, I love my roomies, I've met some neat people, and I'm finally starting to know my way around town without any GPS help! (I was so very proud of myself the day I made it home without cheating) Spring has begun to tempt us with a taste of her glorious arrival, she's just around the corner and I can't wait! I hear Tennessee is incredibly beautiful during the Spring! It's been a little warmer lately so I've found a great little park to run around and it's just down from my apartment, I love it!
This weekend was a hard one, with being away from my sweetheart on Valentines Day, no job, a dwindling savings account and lack of direction in my life - I found myself a little down. I had two long, hard conversations today...one with the boyfriend and the other with the mother (dun dun dun...). The convo with the boyfriend will remain between the two of us - but lets just say that distance hasn't come as easily as it did before, when I was in south Florida for school. It's been far more difficult than I had imagined, it's definitely showing us where our hearts truly lie. And the conversation with the mother was, well - very mother/daughter-ish. It was typical mom advice on my current living situation, financial circumstances, relationship status and not-so-distant future, but it was nothing short of honest. I love that about my mom, she tells me how it is, but sometimes I just need a listening ear and a word or two of encouragement.
I initially moved to Tennessee because God somehow seemed to open all the right doors, but now that I'm here what does He have for me? That's been the major question weighing on my mind lately. I truly had very little to no expectations upon making the move, but now that everything has come to a screeching halt and I'm in a jobless standstill, I'm asking God "why?" A little background for those unaware : music is my passion. Leading worship gives me satisfaction like none other, the fact that God allows me to use something I'm so passionate about to help usher people into His powerful presence, simply blows my mind. Since before I could speak I was singing, He's been shaping and developing this love for sweet flowing melodies ever since; and now, I've got this great desire to use it to bring people closer to Him, leaving them at the feet of His cross and in utter awe of who He is. All that to say, my biggest dream is to travel the world leading worship, preferably at girl's conferences, speaking, singing, opening up and sharing all of my life with those around me. When I made the move to Tennessee (music central), I truly had no expectations musically, other than seizing the opportunity to be inspired by all the talented people and taking advantage of the time to write and pour myself into songs. I've been able to do that lately, but the more that I think about this dream of traveling the world, leading worship, the more defeated I feel. People around me look at it as an unattainable, unreachable, unrealistic dream...something so far from reality, that I might as well put it aside and focus on more practical things in front of me. Pursue more education perhaps? Seek after a secure career, one that will allow me to make ends meet and pursue the commonly sought after "American Dream" - marriage, house, kids, grandkids, etc? That's what will make them happy. But me? I'd be miserable. Missing the mark - neglecting a calling - putting aside a purpose, that's how I feel about walking away from my pursuit of sharing music. I've been thinking a lot about this over the past week or so and as I looked at the immovable mountains before me, I came across the lesson of the Withered Fig Tree. A story I've never thought much of until now. Let me share it with you:
(Matthew 21:18-22) "Now in the morning, as He returned to the city, He was hungry. And seeing a fig tree by the road, He came to it and found nothing on it but leaves, and said to it, 'Let no fruit grow on you ever again.' Immediately the fig tree withered away. And when the disciples say it, they marveled, saying, 'How did the fig tree wither away so soon?' So Jesus answered and said to them, 'Assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but also if you say to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast into the sea,' it will be done. 'And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.'"
So many things in this short passage moved me. First of all, of all the things in the world to display His glory, He uses a barren fig tree. Secondly - He rebukes the tree for being worthless and it listens! Immediately it withers - even the barren trees of this earth respond to His command. How much more shall I, a woman formed in His image, designed for relationship and communion with Him, respect His word and His command? How much more then shall I be used to display His glory? Next, the words He shares with the disciples - He gives us a challenge, "if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but also if you say to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast into the sea,' it will be done."!!!! He encourages me - a weak cluster of bones, flesh and asthma ridden lungs to challenge the mountains to move. And then (my favorite part of this whole story) He backs it up by a promise, "And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, YOU WILL RECEIVE." All I have to do is ask, believe and be the recipient of His wondrous works, promises and blessings.
With respect to all the wonderful people God's placed in my world around me, I cannot be tied down to your unbelief. I know I was created for more than the "American dream", making babies and ensuring that the world goes round - I was created to be a beautiful display of His Glory! All it takes is a little faith and I'll be moving mountains. I hope you grasp hold of that truth just as I have this week. Be reminded that you have been created with great purpose, to be a public display of His Glory. Whatever that dream, that promise that you know without a doubt He has handcrafted and so perfectly placed in your heart is - be strong, rooted in faith. Command those mountains to move and watch them crumble before you as you shine brightly, revealing His strength and fulfilling His purpose!
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