Girl on a Mission...

I think I've figured out why I have such a difficult time updating - I have ADD! Seriously, I cannot sit still for the life of me these days. I had issues with this as a kid in school (which is why I went through every type of schooling available in our area: all girl's private school, co-ed private school, home school, back to private school, homeschool again, public school, early admissions, etc., etc.) I love to write and I love to journal, I love to share my life with people and I love looking back on all the things God's doing in my life, but when it comes to sitting down and blogging about it - I find myself wandering around facebook, checking out the latest cruise specials or clicking through the most recent tours posted on statravel.com (haha, my secrets are out). So here I am - making myself focus. :) We'll see how it goes...

I finally have a job - a temporary one, but a job none-the-less. :) I'm nannying for a family I've known for a few years now. They called me out of the blue, desperate for a part-time nanny and well, I was desperate for work - so it was a win/win situation! :) They have two darling little boys (2 & 5)...the two year old is smiley 24/7 and the five year old talks constantly, informing me of all the events in his life, his brother's life and the lives of everyone else around him. :) Most would find this tiring, I find it amusing. I love his excitement for life and his curiosity - it reminds me of myself as a kid.

I've been in such a constant state of transition over the past few years, it seems things are always changing - never stable. Part of me loves the freedom this brings - knowing that things will never be the way they are "forever", therefore, why not give everything and anything a try? Yet, at the same time it's a bit frustrating...I'm constantly asking God what He's doing with me, what His ultimate plan and purpose for my life is. I'm realizing I had a rose-tinted outlook on "life" during high school and the short years that quickly followed - now that I've had a taste of what it's really like, I'm honestly a bit baffled. I know I have an intense love for my God and I deeply desire to use my gifts to serve Him for the rest of my life - yet, I'm finding my heart a bit numb to all things "spiritual." I say "spiritual" because the life I've lived up until now has been "spiritual" with a chunk of a Christ-centered relationship strewn about here and there. I've grown up in a Christian home, a Christian school (most of my life), a Christian church with Christian friends and extended family....I'm about as Christian as anyone gets - and yes, I realized in high school that Christianity was so much more than living out the life I had always lived, it was nurturing a personal relationship with my Creator, but now that I'm of age to make my own decisions and personally determine what the rest of my life will look like from here on out, I'm finding the life I previously lived to be boring, monotonous, binding and well - old. I'm most definitely in love with my Jesus, but the more time I spend with him these days, and the crazier the world around me becomes, the more I realize I am so far from living the life us Christians were charged to carry out. None of the fearless leaders in the Bible were bored - I can guarantee they weren't feeling bound, they were invigorated by the crazy, heart-pumping, adrenaline raising tasks God constantly put before them whether it be leading a silent army around walls of Jerico and blowing trumpets at certain times, building a massive boat secure enough to withstand winds, rain, waves and floods that were intended to wipe out the rest of the world, leading a generation of complaining Israelites through the wilderness for years and years and years without a "master plan", or housing spies God was using to demolish your city with the hope that your life may be spared....all of these Biblical characters lived a life on the edge. I'm sure they all had periods of down time, but for the most part their lives were hanging on every word God breathed into their hearts and they were able to push away the clutter in order to hear what He had to say. I crave that...I yearn for that and I'm desperately searching for a way to live that out within whatever career path I decide to take from her on. I'm so tired of going through the motions of "Christianity" without the passion, excitement, adrenaline and peace He has to offer. I'm not sure how things will begin to look different, but I'm on a mission to find the life that is most honoring, most glorifying and most powerful in the eyes of my Lord. =) I'm excited about the journey!

In the mean time, I'm off to the gym. (I'm pretty proud of myself for completing this update. It took me two days to write because...you guessed it, I got distracted. But none-the-less it's finished!) I hope everyone's doing well!

Lots of love blessings, excitement and adventure!!

d