My First Love....

Happy Sunday!

I couldn't be more thrilled with the slight temperature drop - high 40's I believe, cool enough to justify cozying up on the couch with a warm cup of tea, journal and Bible. I have to admit, I stayed home from church this morning. I'm definitely on the upside of this virus and infection, but I'm afraid to toss myself into a sea of people. I simply cannot afford another week of illness, so I played it safe and brought church to my living room.

B and I have been going through a Max Lucado study through Revelation and this morning's segment was about returning to my first Love. It couldn't have been more timely. December is always a nostalgic month for me. I'm a creature of great comfort - I love tradition, I love all things cozy and I love to soak in the season of happiness and giving. This year has been a little different - it's my second married Christmas, so I'm still establishing my own traditions amongst B and I. We've put up a tree and we've discussed our Christmas budget and gone over our lists for family and friends. We've shared childhood memories of Christmas' past (well, I have atleast - ha!) and have begun to imagine what Christmas' future will one day look like (I'm a total dreamer). I'm also looking back on our first full year together. It was a wonderful year - certainly had it's ups and downs and was a total adjustment; it was filled with so many firsts as B and I have begun to figure out just what life looks like together. But this morning, as I read about the church of Ephesus in the book of Revelation, I saw so many simiarities in my own life. Rev 2:2-4 reads, "I know your works, your labor, your patience, and that you cannot bear those who are evil. And you have tested those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars; and you have persevered and have patience and have labored for My name's sake and have not become weary. Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love." What a statement! These people were doing everything right - they were dedicated, they were honest, good people, but God was jealous for them - their hearts had been lost somewhere along the way.

Sadly, I feel that has happened in my own life this year. My life has been more full of love than ever before - but it's been gushed out all over my husband and not my Jesus. I've been dedicated, attending church, serving in the youth group and leading worship on a regular basis. I've attended events and even helped run them. I've done my devotions and I've journaled and even prayed regularly, but somewhere throughout all of the motions, my first Love was left behind. It's a tricky thing - learning to balance love for a person who you've committed your life to loving, and eternal love for the King, my personal Creator and Savior. I now understand what Paul meant when he said it is better to be single than it is to be married, but if you must marry, then do so - for it is not sin. (1 Cor 7) Prior to marriage, loving Jesus was my priority and it came easily. But these days, I find it hard to balance my love for Christ and my love for my husband. With that said, I believe we are all prone to fighting this battle, single or married. We get caught up in our responsibilities as a wife, as an employee, as a mother, as a friend, as a volunteer within the church, or wherever it is that you spend your time and energy. While all of those things are good - examine your heart. Have you left your first Love? I recognize moments that I have, and I now see that God is jealous for me (as He is you). He longs for my heart more than anything I have to offer and so often I hold it back. This is my personal challenge this year as I say goodbye to 2010 and hello to 2011 - I want ALL of my heart to be His. He deserves it. Don't let the busy season take away from your worship to Him. It happens quickly and before we know it, we've left our first Love. Be encouraged today, He is after your heart, He is jealous for YOU!

d