I Surrender...

It's been one of those weeks - you know, one of those weeks that your mind and emotions carry you away to a frenzied place so crippling it consumes your thoughts as you lie awake at night imagining all of the "what if's" of life and the stress of the day manifests itself in your body so much so that things stop functioning properly.

We're less than 3 weeks away from the big day and somewhere between Monday and Tuesday of last week my focus was thrown so far off that my body had a complete meltdown. I had been so consumed by forgotten invitations, counting response cards, designing floral arrangements, taking care of my bridal party and working out till every calorie consumed had been counted for several times over again, that I had lost sight of the big picture - Brenton and I, an exciting future together and all of the many blessings God's showered us with along the way. A swollen body, major hives, a cortisone shot, several doses of Benadryl and lots of drug induced sleep later I had been reminded - it's not about me. No matter how many pieces of chocolate I deny myself or how many pretty dresses I can find for the rehearsal dinner, nothing on that day will make me more beautiful than a radiant spirit, a peaceful heart and a body well rested. With so many details to remember, it's impossible for one person to take on the stress of keeping it all together. All peace and sanity had been shoved aside for the sake of counting response cards, sampling cake and hunting for the perfect brown ribbon, and for that I've paid the price.

Tonight Brenton and I were sitting on the couch listening to song after song, trying to select the perfect Brenton/Danya wedding playlist. An artist by the name of Jadon Lavik came up and his rendition of "I Surrender All" began to play. I had to fight back tears as the words "I surrender all/I surrender all/All to Thee my Blessed Savior/I surrender all" oozed over my heart. One little chorus pulled my heart back to that sweet but so difficult place of surrender. Loosening my white knuckled grip on all of the events consuming every moment of every passing day is so hard, but when I take a step back and realize it's truly about Him the things clouding my vision fall away and I'm left standing before my Beautiful King, whole and complete - He is truly all that I need. My heart is His above all and this wedding is the product of His handiwork, who am I to sell my emotions, my peace and my every waking moment to a day that will come and be gone just as fast as the sun rises and sets? What a relief - that one day is not where it all ends, but where it begins. A beginning, a birthing of something new, something exciting, something blessed, something purely of my Jesus. I am not worthy to bear His Name, but as long as I'm continually brought back to that humbling place of surrender, my life will be found something of worth. Drop it all at the feet of the King and find your rest in Him. :)

♥ d