Along for the ride...

What a weekend!

From gym searching and outlet shopping to garage saling and photo taking - the past few days have been a whirlwind!

I spent the afternoon with my sister today (haven't done that in ages!) and while we shared lots of laughs and memories, by the end of the day I realized things aren't the way I've been pretending they are. Things with our world, with our country, with our economy - teetering on the edge of a cliff just waiting for one small gust of wind to blow the whole thing over. How'd it get this way? How did we get so far from being "the land of the free"? Bound by debt, bound by the fear of being "politically correct," and by dependency on our enemies - we're just moments away from self-destruction. The whole President Obama thing has left me in shock, I don't think I'll realize the magnitude of this election until we really start to see his promised "change." To be totally honest, I am slightly fearful of what the next few years hold. Not only as an American that hates to see the foundation of her country crumble to pieces, but as a Lover of Christ, I am fearful that my freedom to worship my Creator will be altered. This is the thought that has been haunting me all week.

With all of that said, this week I've been doing some "soul searching," if you will. I've been thinking really hard about where I'm currently at in life, where I'm headed with my job and my relationship, where my hopes and dreams fit in, etc. and each time I find myself coming back around in full circle - (with hands lifted in the air) I honestly just don't know. I feel like I should know by now what I want to do with the next decade of my life, but I haven't a clue! The more I think about it, the more anxious I get - the more I wish for anybody else's life but my own. <--- That, my friend, is the marvelous trap of the Enemy! I've been his little pawn, sitting like a stone - paralyzed by the great, unknown future that lies ahead of me, meanwhile making NO headway what-so-ever towards where Christ would have me be. And here's the truth behind it all - God's gently (yet somehow, firmly) saying, "Danya, hands off!" As usual, I shake my head back and forth nervously saying no while tightening my grip - but this time is different. As I tighten my grip, I feel a pit in my stomach - almost as if instinct is telling me that this is my last chance to obey, after this I'm on my own. "On my own?!" I can't do that! "But let go?!" that doesn't sound appealing either! Once I let go, I lose control of everything I've worked so hard to hold and I just know it'll all go spinning out of control, right? Gosh, I have it all so wrong sometimes. That should be my last fear, in fact, letting go should be a resort of hope. Obedience should bring relief - should something go wrong, I can rest in the fact that my "something gone wrong" will always result in His "something so much better." So here I am, hands pried open, heart unsure - letting you know I'm done for a while (wish I could say forever, but nature probably won't allow), I'm giving You control and I'm trusting You know my heart best. I'm finally here, along for the ride!