I'm alive, really - I am....

I'm the least consistent blogger alive, I know - but I'm trying! :)

I hope this entry finds you well and anxious for the Thanksgiving holiday! I simply LOVE Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday of the year. Maybe it's because I can "officially" listen to all the Christmas music my ears can handle and watch Elf and Home Alone till my eyes can't handle the television's glow. I love waking up every Thanksgiving, Thursday morning and cozying up to the couch with a blanket and cup of coffee in hand as I watch the NYC Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. It's one of my favorite feelings in the world! I love spending all day with my mom, sister in the kitchen, preparing a marvelous meal for the family. I love the brisk air and the energy that Black Friday generates! I love picking out a fragrant Christmas Tree on Friday night with my sister and having the house all decked out in festive decor before the weekend's end. The list goes on! I could talk forever about how much I LOVE Thanksgiving! Needless to say, I'm pretty excited about this week!

So my dad introduced me to Pandora.com and I'm a self-proclaimed addict! You MUST check it out if you haven't already. You enter an artist you like and they create an entire playlist of similar artists. It's great cause it gives me music to listen to all day long!

Well, I better get going, but incase you don't hear from me this week, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

<3 d

I woke up today with a bit of a scratchy throat (always a BAD sign). It was gone by 8:00am, but the aches and sneezes were quick to follow. I hope this clears up soon - this is certainly not the week to be sick! This week's unforgiving schedule includes leading worship for tomorrow morning's Women's Bible Study, leading tomorrow evening's Christmas Band Practice, Wednesday evening's Youth Alive worship practice, Thursday evening's Sanctuary practice and Friday night's camp-out, Sara's baby shower and Kayla and Nolan's wedding - I need a clear (nasal free) voice!!

As I mentioned in my last blog, I went gym shopping on Friday, and I believe I've come to my final decision. You see, Thursday evening after work, I rushed to the gym I've been going to for years now (when I say years, I really mean it! Most members have id's that are in the 1000's, my id was 20.) and as I waved to the familiar face behind the counter, I said, "20," and began making my way to the locker room. "Uhhh, wait a minute," said the man, "you're not a member here." WHAT?! It thought - not a member, surely he's mistaken. "I see you here all the time Danya, but it looks like your membership was terminated on the 22nd of October and your last day of membership was on the 30th." I knew my parents have been talking about letting go of their beloved gym membership to save a little money, but I didn't think they'd actually do it, they love our gym! The man was kind enough to let me go to one last spin class and told me to call the manager the following day to see if I could set up a new account in my name. I called the manager the next day and she couldn't do anything for me - no discounts, no breaks given the longevity of my family's support of their business, no mercy whatsoever. So all that to say - this weekend I found a gym that's giving me a student discount, offers a spin class, and is 5 minutes away from my house. :) I'm excited to give the new one a whirl.

Aside from a stuffy head and a cancelled gym membership - I painted my toes a pretty red tonight, and for some reason everything seems better. Red just makes me happy! :)

That's enough rambling for tonight....I'll share a verse that's been close to my heart before I go. I'm going to insert my name in here where it's talking to Israel, it makes it so personal.

"Sing, O daughter!
Shout, Danya!
Be glad and rejoice with all your heart, O daughter.
The Lord has taken away your judgements.
He has cast out your enemy.
The King of Israel, the Lord, is in your midst;
You shall see disaster no more.
In that day it shall be said to you:
'Do not fear;
Danya, let not your hands be weak.
The Lord your God in your midst.
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness.
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.'"

Zephaniah 3:14-17

I love that He rejoices over me with gladness and He quiets me with His love. I'm filled with peace when I imagine Him singing over me! What a great God!?

Have a lovely evening!
Much love,
d

Along for the ride...

What a weekend!

From gym searching and outlet shopping to garage saling and photo taking - the past few days have been a whirlwind!

I spent the afternoon with my sister today (haven't done that in ages!) and while we shared lots of laughs and memories, by the end of the day I realized things aren't the way I've been pretending they are. Things with our world, with our country, with our economy - teetering on the edge of a cliff just waiting for one small gust of wind to blow the whole thing over. How'd it get this way? How did we get so far from being "the land of the free"? Bound by debt, bound by the fear of being "politically correct," and by dependency on our enemies - we're just moments away from self-destruction. The whole President Obama thing has left me in shock, I don't think I'll realize the magnitude of this election until we really start to see his promised "change." To be totally honest, I am slightly fearful of what the next few years hold. Not only as an American that hates to see the foundation of her country crumble to pieces, but as a Lover of Christ, I am fearful that my freedom to worship my Creator will be altered. This is the thought that has been haunting me all week.

With all of that said, this week I've been doing some "soul searching," if you will. I've been thinking really hard about where I'm currently at in life, where I'm headed with my job and my relationship, where my hopes and dreams fit in, etc. and each time I find myself coming back around in full circle - (with hands lifted in the air) I honestly just don't know. I feel like I should know by now what I want to do with the next decade of my life, but I haven't a clue! The more I think about it, the more anxious I get - the more I wish for anybody else's life but my own. <--- That, my friend, is the marvelous trap of the Enemy! I've been his little pawn, sitting like a stone - paralyzed by the great, unknown future that lies ahead of me, meanwhile making NO headway what-so-ever towards where Christ would have me be. And here's the truth behind it all - God's gently (yet somehow, firmly) saying, "Danya, hands off!" As usual, I shake my head back and forth nervously saying no while tightening my grip - but this time is different. As I tighten my grip, I feel a pit in my stomach - almost as if instinct is telling me that this is my last chance to obey, after this I'm on my own. "On my own?!" I can't do that! "But let go?!" that doesn't sound appealing either! Once I let go, I lose control of everything I've worked so hard to hold and I just know it'll all go spinning out of control, right? Gosh, I have it all so wrong sometimes. That should be my last fear, in fact, letting go should be a resort of hope. Obedience should bring relief - should something go wrong, I can rest in the fact that my "something gone wrong" will always result in His "something so much better." So here I am, hands pried open, heart unsure - letting you know I'm done for a while (wish I could say forever, but nature probably won't allow), I'm giving You control and I'm trusting You know my heart best. I'm finally here, along for the ride!

Beautiful Day

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster - both emotionally and physically. It's been one event after another.

Last weekend, my dear cousin Ryan married his beautiful bride, Bree. I could not have hand picked a better girl for him...God knew what He was doing! :)



Thursday evening we celebrated the big 21 with Austin around a fire, with glow sticks and a bowl of chili in hand...



On Friday, Active and Focused Youth hosted an event called Light The Night - a 70's themed Halloween alternative. It seemed to be a success. I was busy manning the food tables so I didn't get pics of the evening, but it was busy busy - brand new skate ramps, basketball and volleyball tournament, worship by the 722 Band, and an open mic session.

Saturday was our annual Harvest Fest at the Gulf Breeze Rec Center...the event was a hit! I wish I had more photos of this one too - it was an event filed afternoon complete with all the cotton candy and blow up toys a kid could ever wish for, tennis and basketball tournaments, a rock wall, and live music from both CCGB worship teams and from Kelley Keenan and a little band Brenton put together.



After all that - they gave us today (Monday) off! Words cannot describe how badly I needed the rest! It was such a luxury! I slept till 8:30am, had biscuits for breakfast, had a nice (uninterrupted) devo time, took care of bills in bed, went on a jog and then headed to Brenton's on the beach. I was greeted with a brown paper bag with my name written across the top...he made me lunch! It was the sweetest thing....we had a picnic on the beach and watched the sunset. It couldn't have been a more peaceful day. The weather was perfect, the beach was calm and beautiful, and the lunch was delicious! To top it off, he bought one of my favorite fall treats - (I know it sound gross, but trust me on this one) hot apple cider and chocolate doughnuts, and we watched Home Alone (I'm kind of a Fall/Christmas freak).....it was a perfect day!

Take it all away...

So many days I get caught up in pointless activities.
My mornings pass without one word to my Maker, my afternoons filled with busy work, my evenings are spent recovering from the busy day, my head hits my pillow with stress of the day clouding every thought....my heart neglected, my God put aside.

This evening I found myself listening to a dear friend's song and as I did, I felt a sweet, gentle spirit whisper over me - I miss you. The words left my heart a shattered mess.

It's been a constant struggle to find contentment where I am, some days are a success and others are far from successful. I so often find myself dreaming up places I'd much rather be, adventures I'd much rather be pursuing, yet returning from my thoughts to a mundane existence. Routines don't fit me, they never have and they never will. I crave a life rich in my Jesus and rich in adventure and exploration. I want to touch the ground my Jesus walked, I want to meet the people my God created, I want to experience other cultures crafted by my Maker's hands. I want to be active in it all, rich and well alive - seeing, hearing, tasting, feeling it all. Monotony numbs me, and that's just where I've found myself - numb. Numbly moving through the movements of my every day life. How do I escape it? It seems to work so well for everyone else around me and when I speak of the things my heart burns for, they simply don't understand. I wish they could see! It's the way I was created...created for movement and exploration, color and taste. In the numbness my spirit has been squelched, and I've forgotten how sweet intimacy with my Creator can be. I've forgotten that He delights in me. I've forgotten that He craves to know me, just as I crave to be elsewhere. I'm so sorry Lord - I want to feel again. I want to be rich in You, rich in life! Take it all away, all that's in the way of you....

"I was so lost and confused
I was so far away from the truth
For the purpose in me
I was made to love You
But I ran my whole life
To the things that can't satisfy
You opened my eyes
Tore open the night
And you gave me a brand new page
I never want to go back never want to lose track
I just want to see your face

So take it all away
All that's in the way of you
I just want you I just want you
Jesus you're more than I need
You fill me with life and now I see"

Words by Zeb Abalos

I will bring praise...

Ignoring my alarm clock until the very last second, I woke up and scurried to get myself ready for the day. Packed a lunch, put on a pot of coffee, got dressed, did hair and makeup and was out the door in 15 minutes flat. Just as I pulled out the driveway I realized I left my cell on the charger, as I looked in the rear-view mirror to back up I noticed several spider webs in my backseat (yuck! as if seeing the massive roach scurry out from underneath my bed lastnight wasn't gross enough). Reluctantly ignoring the remnants of my nightly visitors, I threw the car in reverse and sprinted back to the house to grab the cell, in the middle of the chaos I managed to find myself humming Brooke Fraser's latest worship anthem "Desert Song." Racing back to the car, I jumped in and sped off, hoping my forgetfulness wouldn't cost me an 8:01am sign-in at work. Finally on my way, I start to sing "I will bring praise, I will bring praise, No weapon formed against me shall remain, I will rejoice, I will declare, God is my victory and He is here..." my song is cut off by the sound of a siren and flshing lights - I hadn't even gotten off my street. (Let me insert this piece of information : I've NEVER been pulled over in my 6 years of driving) Heart pounding, hands shaking, I glance at the clock as I reach over to my glove box to find my car registration card - "ugg, why did I go back for that phone?" I thought. Now I'm really going to be late, not to mention everyone in the city of Gulf Breeze is slowly passing me, looking hard to see who the girl driving the white Lexus is that's holding up traffic (needless to say, I'm glad I'm not singing in service tonight). 18 minutes and $106.00 later I soberly pull off the Methodist church lawn and shakily drive off..."Why God? Why? You do know that this just tops off my week, right? As if recovering from the flu, returning from a long weekend trip and jumping back into a full-time work routine without one day of rest wasn't already tough enough - you gotta add a fancy little ticket to the list." No response from God (at this time I'm ready to have a full blown conversation with Him), I just sat in silence, feeling nothing, hearing nothing, knowing nothing. After a few seconds of silence, the rest of the song I was singing earlier started to flow from my lips - "All of my life, in every season, You are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship..." the words stunned me, they resonated in my heart like a chinese gong in an empty sports arena. In every season, I have a reason to worship. One more thing to add to my life lesson list: He is still God and I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship. Once again, Humility. (See my last blog to understand this statement.) As a female who enjoys to talk (and sing), it's always shockingly humbling to have the words I utter put me back in my place; but I'm ever so thankful that He loves me enough to correct me. Today, I will bring praise because I have a reason to worship...

Comfort this confused little heart...

HONESTY WARNING
(just throwing that out there...)

Do you ever just want an entire day of silence? A day to simply sit on the back porch swing with a nice tall glass of iced green tea, Bible and journal close at hand - no cell phone to interrupt, no agenda to follow, no job to report to, no responsibilities to tend to? No people. No noise. No plan. Just silence.

There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish I could just disappear and spend some seriously intimate time at the feet of my Jesus. My heart begs for that. To be free of the chains of this physical world and to be in the purest and most righteous of places - the presence of my Savior - with no physical limitations and with no time constraint. I know that's where my help comes from. I know that's where my passion will be renewed. I know that's where comfort is found. I KNOW that's where the author of this life will pour out His divine guidance over this confused heart.

It's amazing how incredibly different my life has unfolded. It's so far from what I imagined it would be. I certainly never thought I would move back home, be in a relationship and be working full time at my home church. (Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not complaining about ANY of this.) While all of these things are good, they're so very far from "my plan". Submission. That seems to be the theme of this season. First and foremost, submitting to "God's way" and prying my crooked little fingers off "my way", submitting to parents as I live under their roof, submitting to someone else in a relationship, and submitting to a job that I don't always understand. (Keep in mind, this is one strong willed girl saying this--you can bet brokenness has become part of my daily routine) So here I am, laying down all the broken pieces, trusting that some day soon the pieces will be picked up and put back together, forming a more glorious picture than I could have ever painted for myself. Patience. That's lesson #2. (I mean common, did I not learn enough patience living in a 3 bedroom apartment with 5 girls and one car?! Or over 3 years of carting whiny 2 year olds around town, desperate to entertain them?) Patience isn't just waiting, patience is finding contentment in an entire circumstance and finding a way to make sure that I use every ounce of difficulty as a character defining and strength building tool. True patience is more valuable than gold, because no matter what, you always come out a better person. Humility. Beautiful life lesson #3 would be humility. In my experience, humility is feeling your heart cry, "God I can't do this without You." Humility is standing before several hundred people on a regular basis and exposing them to your heart, revealing to them your flaws, and remaining silent when they cannot be pleased (otherwise, I'm no longer serving an audience of One). Humility is looking him in the eyes and admitting I'm wrong. Humility is lifting up my hands and accepting that I just need to surrender.

If you know me at all, you know that I don't know how to be anything but honest. I feel I've come to the end of myself, but I finally realize that the end of myself is where He's been leading me all along. It's not till I reach that point, that God can begin leading me into the beginning of Himself. So here I am, a broken mess - just waiting for those pieces to become that majestic work, so filled with beauty and elegance, color and texture, glazed with such sweet aroma, more valuable than anything made by mankind. I still don't understand how dirt becomes something of worth, but I've been alive long enough to know that my God does miracles, so I'm trusting that this little bit of faith will go a long way. ♥